When A Burrito, French Fries and a Quesadilla Have a Baby Together

First, let me say that there are a few things that need to be done if you live in California. You need to eat at In-N-Out burger. You need to drive 15 miles over the speed limit at all times. (Extra points if you’re eating In-N-Out burger while speeding down the freeway.) You need to be in a dance club when Katy Perry’s “California Girls” comes on (because in the words of one of my friends, who was born and bred in California, when I told/screamed at her at the club “I’VE NEVER BEEN IN A CLUB WHEN THIS SONG CAME ON SINCE I’VE BEEN LIVING IN CALIFORNIA, THIS IS SO FUNNY/AWESOME” her response was “I AM SO SORRY FOR YOU!” The final thing is that you need to eat a California burrito, preferably the “Sigma Pi” at Trujillo’s near the SDSU campus.

(this is a picture of a picture of the sign out front)

Let me not give you any notions that this isn’t the most intense burrito, possibly, in the entire world, because this is what it is:

French Fries

Carne Asada

Guacamole

Sour Cream

Pico De Gallo

This is all wrapped nicely within a cheese quesadilla. I repeat: This is a cheese quesadilla wrapped around a California Burrito. (For all my non-California reader, all one of you, a California Burrito is a burrito with French fries in it, or Freedom Fries if you’re still patriotic like that.)

(I like to get it with a diet Coke, because they don't have Coke Zero there)

First, I would like to break down the calories in this bad boy:

2oz French Fries – 200 calories

4oz Carne Asada – 180 calories

1.5 oz Guacamole – 45 calories

1 oz Sour Cream – 60 calories

1.5 oz. Pico De Gallo – 15 Calories

Large Tortilla – 300 calories

2 oz Shredded Cheese – 200 Calories

That’s a grand total of….  1000 Calories.

(Calories be damned, this shit is GOOD.) 

Now, let’s add all the Bud Light that lead you to that point where you think It’s a good idea to eat this burrito at 2 a.m. (which is, statistically, when this particular burrito is likely to be eaten, by both myself and my friends): 110 calories per beer.  (Now, let’s all do the math in our head of how many calories of beer we ingest in any given night.)

Now, let’s say you decided that because you ate the Sigma Pi at 2 a.m., that it counts toward the next day’s food. That’s fine, but just remember that between all the booze and the burrito you’ve pretty much consumed 3/4ths of your caloric intake for the day. So, enjoy it.

(What makes Sigma Pi Burritos delicious, at both 2 a.m. AND the following morning.)

Now, I am not the only one that loves this burrito. These are COMPLETELY in context quotes from people (that I know) about the awesomeness of the Sigma Pi:

“French Fries. I get it.” – Kevin C. Guidry

“I don’t like guacamole.” – Stephanie Laufenberg

“It’s a California burrito WRAPPED around a quesadilla, here is hot sauce.” – Eric Ligare

“Who are you? Get away from me with that tape recorder.” – Unknown patron at Trujillo’s

“I don’t eat anything with EYES.” – Every Vegetarian, Ever

The point is that I’ve conducted extensive field interviews and have compiled a comprehensive ethnographic study on the awesome of these burritos.

The conditions in which this burrito can be consumed under:

1 – Drunk

• Time: Anytime. If you are drunk too early in the morning, you might need to seek counseling, unless you’ve been up all night (and still then, you still might want to seek counseling, because alcoholism is NO. JOKE.)
• Risks: Bumping into one of your students.
• Benefit: Having said student buy your food because they are also drunk, and think they might get a better grade.

2 – Hung-over

• Time: Any time after 11 a.m. and before you start drinking again.
• Risks: Bumping into a student. Associating it with vomit, in case you’re that type of hung-over person. But, there is a good chance if you engage in Hangover vomiting you do not engage in hangover burrito eating.
• Benefit: It will make you feel better and fill you up. Like a hug.

3 – Just Hungry

• Time: From open to close.
• Risks: You might accidentally order two if you’re really hungry. Also “Trujillo’s Regret Syndrome.” (This will be covered in a future blog.)
• Benefit: You won’t be hungry anymore.

4 – Family and Friends are visiting.

• Time: From open to close.
• Risks: Deflecting compliments from introducing them to the best burrito in the world.
• Benefit: Seeing your friends and family smile and be happy and knowing you’re the cause of it. (If you’re into cheesy things like that.)

There is a time limit to how long this burrito stays good. Here is the break down:

• Walking from the counter to a table in Trujillo’s: This is the best way to eat a Sigma Pi, or anything from this restaurant for that matter.
• Walking from Trujillo’s to the Sociology Department on Campus: This is a risky move. Depending on how fast you walk and the temperature outside. Success is more likely if you put it in your backpack. But be sure to put it not next to the cold Coke Zero you also have in the backpack, as it would likely cool off one side of the burrito and make the fries “kinda gross.” 
• Walking from Trujillo’s to the library, realizing it’s closed, then walking to some empty tables, eating half of it, walking to Starbucks, then eating the other half: This is a risky risky move. Not only is the burrito likely to not be hot by the time you sit at the empty tables, but by the time you eat the other half of the burrito an hour later, the fries will be ice cold and the cheese will have re-congealed. Essentially, everything that’s supposed to be cold (the sour cream) will be warm and everything that’s supposed to be hot (the carne asada) will be cold.
• Driving straight home and eating the Sigma Pi while sitting on the couch and watching illegally downloaded television programs: This is also a slightly risky move. I only live a mile from Trujillo’s, but unless I know exactly what program I’m going to watch, depending on whether or not I decide I need a plate, or if Shitzer the Cat needs some food tends to influences the success rate of doing this. (That might be the most heinous run on sentence ever, but I can’t think of another way to express that sentiment.) Essentially, it depends how quickly you can get inside and start eating.

(See, the distance from the counter to a table: not that far away.)

Now, the employees at Trujillo’s are bi-lingual, but sometimes it’s fun to speak in another language. So, if you want to order this burrito in Spanish you say “Uno Sigma Pi Burrito, por favor” Be sure to role your ‘R’ when you say “burrito” so it makes sense and you don’t sound stupid. If you, for example, don’t like guacamole then you say “Yo soy no guacamole, en uno Sigma Pi burrito, por favor” (go ahead, put that in a translator if you don’t believe me.) If you want light sour cream then you say “Uno Sigma Pi Burrito, pequenos, um… ‘Sour Cream,’ por favor” Let’s say you want chicken instead of carne asada, you say “Yo soy pollo asada en no carne asada y Sigma Pi burrito, por favor” When they hand you the burrito, that hopefully they made to your exact specifications, you say “muchos gracias Senor/Senorita/Senora” although, I rarely like to say Senora to older women, as I do not want to offend. They might be all “yo que tu old?” (Translation: You calling me old?”) and you’re like “um, no se? Senorita, muchos muchos la apologies. Yo soy no mitch” (translations: No, I’m sorry, I meant to call you ‘Ms.’ I’m SOOO sorry, I didn’t mean to be a mitch.) Really, you should try not to pick any fights with the employees that work there, just buy your food and walk off.